You don't have to homeschool, but you can if you want.

Unsolicited advice for education and life.

Twenty-three years ago we made a commitment to homeschool our kids, beginning with our oldest who was twelve at the time. I was gung-ho and ready to commit to the long haul, but my husband—always the ballast to my whims or wind to my flagging sails, as needed—wisely cautioned against over-planning. His urging again and again was to take this “one year at a time”, while I was definitely planning their high school courses in secret.

Sure, I said. One year at a time. But I was hooked from the beginning. 

Homeschooling was all around us, but we didn’t know enough families with kids who’d “turned out” yet, who had graduated from homeschool and become healthy members of society. So we were cautiously (Tim) optimistic (me), year after year, and at some point in time it became evident that we were in this “till high school graduation did us part”.

Our last child graduated from homeschool in 2023 and I’m happy to report that all five kids are indeed healthy members of society and very socially capable. Most importantly, they all have a relationship with Jesus, with each other, and with us.

We were consistently inconsistent, but faithful, and we enjoyed our kids immensely.  

As much as I looked and prayed for it, there is no system or method or curriculum that will deliver on any guarantee of perfect, God-fearing children. We do our best, ask forgiveness, and pray to God for intervention of whatever kind is necessary. “Turning out” is a phrase you use for a product, like a loaf of bread, not a term to describe children. None of us are finished.¹

A common objection to homeschooling, especially in high school, is how will you teach (insert any “difficult subject” here)? My answer: give them tools for learning and resources to help, and show them how to find experts. We could not keep up with someone else’s standard for education or cover every subject, master every fact, and prevent any gaps, and at the end of the day, not many of us need to know more than basic (insert any “difficult subject” here).²

If I could have somehow given our kids an education with no gaps in it whatsoever, what kind of bores would they have grown up to be? Gaps get filled in by curious minds, and then more gaps appear. The goal of a good education, in my opinion, is to know that you don’t know everything but have the tools to learn anything. (And that does not require homeschooling.)

Riesengebirge Landscape with Rising Fog, Caspar David Friedrich

The past few years I’ve been learning new things that I never planned for. Getting this deli and market up and running has taken me out of my element and stretched me in ways I needed, ways I’ve always preached to my kids were important. I’ve had to ask for grammar-stage definitions of terms, from people who’ve been in the business too long to speak the layman’s language. I’ve had to integrate and synthesize different kinds of information into a business plan that would work for us. I’ve had to train people in things that I was never trained in, and communicate my simple little brains out on a daily basis. There is no single book to read or course to take that would’ve taught me all I needed, and still need, to know.

I am ready to get back to my element, among the books and the words, but the deli is also a part of me now, part of my on-going education, and I am glad for it.

I know that January and February are prime months of burn-out for homeschool parents. In a couple months all the catalogs will be flooding your inboxes and mailboxes, spreading a myriad of good choices before you and prompting you to think about next school year before this one has come to a close. Not helpful. 

So if I may pull out my “Been There, Done That” card, without sounding too bossy or presumptuous, here are a few bullet points of unsolicited advice that apply to homeschooling and to life, in general:

• Find experts. There’s always someone who knows more than you.

• Choose once³ and move on. There is no, absolutely zero, not even one choice when it comes to homeschool methods, curriculums, or programs, that will check every single box in every single season for every single child. But you have to choose and then do your best with that choice. 

When we settled on a course for our homeschool that was in line with what we’d always done but with more structure and accountability than I could maintain alone, an incredible burden was lifted. I unsubscribed from everything else, trashed every catalog that came in the mailbox, and stopped looking for greener grass. We poured ourselves into an imperfect community of classical homeschoolers and committed our energy to being thoughtful, writing and speaking well, and reading closely. There were flaws, sure. But the benefits far outweighed them. 

• Recover your own education. This works for any kind of education you choose for your kids, but if you are a home educator you have a prime opportunity to pour into the best education possible⁴, for yourself. And no, you don’t really have to learn chemistry or trigonometry if you don’t want to, and it’s up to you if you tell your kids that or not. Live as a student in charge of your education.

• Peace is your guide. There’s no shame in changing course. “Choose once and move on”, but you can always choose again if something truly isn’t working. My husband often quotes the treasure-hider Forrest Fenn: “Every fifteen years you should change careers.” Changing course does not mean you failed. We opted out of a very good homeschool program when it got to be too much for the peace of our home, which has always been my litmus test. Change can be good. 

• Don’t do something just because you think you “should” do it. I absolutely do not think homeschooling is the best option for everyone. If you don’t want to homeschool your children, don’t. It’s too big a commitment to take on out of obligation. You have so many options and you are not less of a parent if you choose public or private school. You can have many of the same benefits if you are purposeful.

• Don’t avoid something just because you think you “can’t” do it. I’ll try not to be too cliche or motivational here, but listen: if you want to homeschool your kids and you have access to a library, you are already equipped to do it. It can really literally truly be that simple. If you have access to the internet, in addition to a library, you have a cheaper and more extensive education available to you and your children than many of the greatest thinkers in history ever had. I know working parents, single parents, grandparents, and parents with very little education who have spearheaded their children’s education at home, because they truly wanted to. 

I can get a little soapboxy about education and it’s not what I normally use this space for (if you made it this far, bless you.) Let me wrap this ramble with this: You don’t have to homeschool, but you can if you want—even if you don’t have kids or they’re all grown. Be your own student! And tell us what you’re learning, whatever stage you’re in.

1. I heard Angelina Stanford say something to this effect once: Homeschooling is the only occupation where you don’t really know how you’re doing until it’s too late. 

2. My kids will read this and ask why they needed eight + years of latin, but we’re not going to discuss that here. Let me just say that learning to conquer hard things builds character (insert eye-roll).

3. Choosing once is such a great life hack, ala The Lazy Genius

4. The best education possible is the one you actively pursue for yourself.