Is it balance we want?
A Five Things essay written while struggling with a cold.
I try to carry a scale that falls heavily on the Healthy side of things, but all of a sudden I love Dr. Pepper Zero1. I have never been a soda person (or “pop”, as I grew up calling it) but all of a sudden I am patting myself on the back for going two or three days without a DPZ. I don’t buy it by the case or even the 6 pack because that is too carnal and too easy. I buy them one (or two if it’s a BOGO) at a time and always try to share with Tim, and that way I have stretches of days where I’m really fighting the urge. That makes me feel like I’m a good Christian, resisting temptation. I own a store, by the way. I’m proud to say that yesterday when I was there I did not grab a DPZ out of the cooler and ring it up with my 100% discount. Today I’m home, writing about it. I think I’m doing okay but I also think about asking Tim to grab one on his way home.
Speaking of balance. I’ve been out of whack for awhile in my reading but I’m solving it, slowly. This is how I’ve been out of whack: I have spent too much effort on it, always reading to get something. This is how I’m solving it: I’m reading to know someone. If it’s the Bible, I’m reading to know Jesus more. If it’s Substack essays, I’m reading to know that particular author—like they’re my friend, because my friends shape me. If it’s fiction (and Lord knows I am deficient in my fiction lately) I am reading to know what is possible. Because if someone thought up a character and put them in a situation, that person and scenario are a possibility, for better or worse. I could be that character. I could know that character. There are many lives available but I only get to live one (and I love the one I’m living), but I can know someone with a better imagination when I consider the scenarios that are possible. And when I’m reading nonfiction I suppose I’m taking Jesus and myself and all the people I know and trying to learn something about all of us together. Not sure if that makes sense but in summary: Foster hope by reading more.
Woman Holding a Balance, 1664, Johannes Vermeer I’m pretending like I am done overthinking things and so far, it’s going okay. I chopped my hair off without too much overthinking2. I am taking notes and talking to friends and moving slowly forward with a new project without listing all the reasons it could fail. I am writing this Five Things essay because these are thoughts I’m thinking and I just want to get them down, even if nothing is profound. I heard solid gold advice from Alli Worthington on a podcast recently, where she said something to the effect: Confidence is not what you get before you do The Thing. Confidence comes from doing The Thing. It’s kind of like saying, “But did you die?” If the answer is “No,” then any mistakes can be forgiven and lessons learned, and maybe you just found something worth doing. Confidence is trusting that I have figured a few things out over the years and I don’t always need to learn more before I do The Thing. Do The Thing and learn from it.
There are always exceptions to everything. That’s the disclaimer. Results may vary. Consult your physician/financial advisor/favorite guru/wise counselors, etc. There are very few things I can say that are wholly for everyone to grab hold of—“Do The Thing and learn from it,” but don’t be dumb. The trouble with overthinking everything I say and do and post is that there are always exceptions and if I have to name every exception I will never say or do or post anything. For example, here’s a sentence that I want to throw my whole being into: “We disagree sometimes, but we rarely try to destroy, and it feels to me like there is room for thinking out loud.” That’s from an article about reading and community, and I want to share that idea with my readers but if I do, do I have to tell you there is a bad word in her article? Do I need to warn you? You’ve been warned. Her writing may not be for you, but doesn’t that sentence hold something wonderful to consider?
When our kids were little there was an object lesson I remember hearing, about a beautiful and delicious batch of brownies with just a little bit of dog poop in them. Just a tiny bit. Would you still eat those brownies? I actually think Tim and I may have used that lesson in our days leading middle school youth group. Like many things from the last 30 years of my life, I kinda hate that. Life is full of dog poop and it just can’t all be avoided if we are to live fully and abundantly. I get the sentiment—there are definitely harmful things we ought to avoid outright. But not everything is black and white and we all need discernment, not lists of acceptable and unacceptable books/movies/music/people. And it only takes one brazen 13 year old boy to eat the brownies and live, to ruin the whole lesson.
As for me, there are no brownies on the menu but I will be drowning this cold in an icy, fizzy DPZ if Tim remembers to get me one on his way home, because I am sure that will help me get better.
Balance shmalance.
Someone is to blame and you know who you are.
Honestly, posting a selfie took more thought.