When You Want to be Understood

Is this the common struggle?  The deep down desire of every person made in His image?

To be understood.

Misunderstandings take the blame for many a disagreement, and the struggle is that you would know what I really mean, know what my intentions are.

But does that solve anything, really?  Does knowing your intentions make your actions o.k.?

You don't understand.

I hear this struggle from my own mouth, masked with adult-sounding words and deep frustrations.  I want perspective but it needs to be my own, from behind my own two eyes. I want you to see the world as I do, really.  And then, maybe, you'll be o.k. with my short-comings.

But you don't understand.  And I don't understand, either.

Shouldn't we just stop that struggle, quit blaming "misunderstanding" and instead, think no evil, judge no motive?

Let me just say that, no, I don't understand, and I'm o.k. with that.  I'm fine with not knowing everything about you and all your past experiences that lead you to this day and that decision and those words.  It's alright that all the inner-workings of your heart are mysterious to me.

In fact, maybe it's good.

That deep understanding, that intimacy with your heart?  You ought to reserve that place for Jesus.

Why do we cling to being understood by people, when there is One Who knows our hearts completely and loves us anyway?

The spirit of a man is the lamp of the LORD, Searching all the inner depths of his heart. - {Pro 20:27 NKJV}

Three graces for when you don't understand or are not understood:

  1. God does.  You know He was tempted in all the same ways you are, yet without sin. (Heb. 4:15).  We stand in awe of Him, but He is never puzzled by us.  Everything is bare before Him and even those things we try to hide, the motives we really don't want checked, He's got those figured out.  And in spite of all He understands about us, or maybe because of it, He sympathizes and pours out mercy and grace.
  2. You are complete in Him. Yep.  Your greatest need is not to be understood, but to be in Him. 
  3. Love matters more than being understood.  You can know all mysteries but have no profit if love isn't there (1 Cor. 13:2).  Love is the benefit of the doubt and the understanding of the most important things - that we all mess up and and we're all worth fighting for, worth dying for.  Really.

So I can love you by trying to understand you, yes. But when you don't have my perspective and I don't share yours, when your words run out and all I have is your actions and my clouded vision, I will choose to love without understanding it all.

It's ok.


Thankful for all this...

361. large family gatherings

362. science projects for the whole family

363. celebrating 50th anniversaries!

364. getting the hang of new things

365  people who write random love notes on your daily schedule

366. wonderful, amazing friends with garlic-feta dip

367. late night sister-talks

368. paper mache

369. the split second when Bailey thought mom was serious

370. Just Dance

371. all the signs of fall


linking up with A Holy Experience,  Titus 2sdays, Scribing the Journey, and The Better Mom