When fall feels violent

Fall is normally my favorite but this year I sense it coming with a vengeance. Coming to take me under its smothering wing and drown me with the violence of schedules, must-dos, and a pumpkin latte. Summer seems laden with options, with things we could do and places we could go

Fall is starting to feel like summer's big sister - all demanding and bossy, with sports schedules and school schedules and deadlines and mandatory meetings tramping their way in.

Violent. Bossy. Demanding.

I'm refusing to be overwhelmed. Over and over again, I refuse to be hostage to that feeling and I'm adding this prayer:

Oh, satisfy us early with Your mercy,

That we may rejoice and be glad all our days!

Psalm 90:14

And I may have just now realized something as I typed that verse: it's the mornings that I feel I'm losing with fall's onset.

If you know me, you know mornings are my favorite. You know I've let my kids sleep-in all summer. You know that I'm irritated and irrational if you mess with my mornings. And you know that fall means alarm clocks for the kids and that struggle I have with keeping them on schedule and losing the slow mornings.

I've told myself I need that long runway to the day, and fall is violently pulling me up short. I should probably change my thinking.

Satisfy us early with Your mercy. Give us enough and even more than enough to fulfill all our longings through all our days,and especially through this day - however it starts and whenever it ends.

IMG_5596I'm praying this for all the mamas fighting overwhelm before it even starts.

The ones who didn't cross enough things off their summer lists, who didn't go to the berry patch or the fruit stand one single time, who missed the free day at the zoo, the pool, the fair, and the museum - all those wonderful things set-up to take advantage of summer, all those things that you missed.

For all the moms fighting the violence of fall schedules and the threats on your peace - the end of summer may feel like a door closing on a million missed opportunities, but you didn't miss out. 

We work summer up to be the darling of the seasons. We expect so much and that always leaves us short and when fall comes, disillusionment follows close behind - because we weren't done summering and what happened to our plans and why did summer seem so long as a child, yet so short as an adult?

You didn't miss out on summer and all the undone things are not the most important things.

The important thing is that you are satisfied with His mercy and that is enough for you to rejoice in, even in the face of changing times.

Hard things are our way through. Preaching the gospel to ourselves when the season ends reminds us that another one is beginning, with new mercies. Fresh starts.

To all the mamas preparing for back-to-school, with rejoicing or regret or excitement or just plain fear, I raise my latte to you. It's time for this new season, ready or not.

Let Your work appear to Your servants, and Your glory to their children. And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us, And establish the work of our hands for us; Yes, establish the work of our hands.

Psalm 90:16-17