It was one of those parties where I always feel inept. A party where the host sells home decor and all the pretty things in the catalog look great...in the catalog. Home decor and I are just not close friends, and one of us is always feeling out of place. I say that I'm a minimalist, but that's really just a facade to hide my anxiety about pretty things in just the right places.
I can enjoy the decor in others' homes, could spend hours looking around a catalog or store, but I have huge. blank. spaces. in my home. (Kinda like this blog, but I like it.)
I prefer blank spaces over decorating mistakes.
Thankfully, the Lord has placed women in my life who are very tight with decor. Like, professionals. They held my hand and offered lovely advice, and when the one item I ordered does arrive, my talented friend will even come over to help me place it just right.
So maybe I'm not really a minimalist, but a decoraphobiac. That's not in Webster's, yet, but it's legit. It's a fear of decorating.
A fear of making mistakes.
One of the pretty things in the catalog was a canvas full of sayings and inspiring mottoes for your family. Don't Regret Anything, one of them said. A whole cute picture with all these great sayings, and then that one. My brain couldn't interpret the phrase in a way that made sense.
Don't regret anything.
What does that mean? That we make no apologies and don't look back? Sort of a deal-with-it attitude, and not necessarily something I want to instill in my children. I think the world is full of enough of that kind of living, that kind of tolerance.
"Accept me as I am," but didn't Jesus say to take up our cross daily? If we're fine the way we are, what's all the dying to self about?
I know. It's just a phrase on a cute canvas, but it ruffled my feathers.
My husband and I talked about regrets a few weeks ago, before this sign. I know about regrets because I have lots of them, but I tried to talk all mature and spiritual-like about asking forgiveness and moving on. About not living in the past but making right choices today.
Sounded good. The trouble is that dying daily is just so everyday.
So I get battle-weary or forgetful or lazy, and this is where regret steps in. Because I can ask forgiveness, I can pray and move on and attempt to make better choices, but I have this memory that works too well at all the wrong things.
Don't regret anything could mean that we don't do anything that we will regret, i.e., we don't make mistakes. We are so careful to do things right that there is never any need to regret.
What would that be like? (Pause for dramatic effect).
But maybe I regret not taking risks, with decorating or speaking or writing or loving. Who knows what might have been, if only I'd had the guts to follow through?
What if I had done that thing I felt prompted to do? What if I had gotten out of The Comfortable Place and said the words that burned in my throat, all fumbling and messy, but obedient?
Maybe I hang on to too much mommy-guilt, and regret is really just me stewing over the woulda-coulda-shouldas when I really need to move on. Do it right from this point forward. Cling to Christ and don't look back. Take my own advice and all that.
Truth is, I could never hang a sign in my home that says Don't Regret Anything. I'd have to have another sign next to it with a disclaimer, or at least a definition of terms.
Would you hang that sign in your home? What does "Don't Regret Anything" mean to you?
(Because it was a really cute sign.)