Already, there is this desire to choose.
Are we born with that? Do we come from the womb defiant at the choices made for us?
Why did God put me here? Why am I different? Maybe I am not supposed to be in this family, in this place.
He's seven and where did he get these questions?
The not-belonging and the longing for something else, something we know nothing about, all those thoughts started in the garden.
Adoption is not all warm-fuzzy and we never thought it would be. Sometimes, it is such a clear picture of our life in Christ, of God choosing us and giving us family.
But truly, we have to choose that adoption for ourselves. It's the one case where we do choose our Parent, but do we ever really get to choose our place?
He's seven and he is upset about some discipline handed out, and isn't that when we all question our place?
So he thinks he belongs somewhere else but he doesn't see the big picture.
Like the children of Israel longing for Egypt.
I tell Ethan that we couldn't hold him and love him and laugh with him while he was in India. That we're all different, with different gifts and personalities and talents, different colored skin and eyes and hair, but God has put us together and our family is perfect this way.
I give him a hug and tell him I love him, because that's what he really wants.
Do you ever question your place?
Do you possibly mistrust the God Who holds your breath, the One Who preappointed your times and the boundaries of your dwelling? (Acts 17:26)
Do you long to be somewhere bigger, better, more important or more satisfying?
Wherever you are, God is sovereign. Whatever your struggle, rest in His handling of it. He sees the biggest picture.
Counting all the gifts this week, some of them numbered here:
291. Jacob enjoying the outdoors, and waking up thankful for his bedroom - the deer, the turkeys, the yellow birds at the feeder outside his window292. our first 7-miler in 7 months293. hot water and epsom salts, the morning after 7 miles294. Ethan, the first child up this morning, monopolizing the one-on-one time295. this verse:
And by Him everyone who believes is justified from all things from which you could not be justified by the law of Moses.
~ Acts 13:39
296. children with eyes to see His goodness and to delight in His creation (Jacob calling me upstairs this morning to see the bird in the window, because he knows I love birds!)297. Sisters making a picnic